Heating Things Up

Currently, it is hotter around here than a .44 magnum to the chest cavity.  (Oh yeah, high five for Mister Smooth Transition!)  106 degrees today, supposed to be 111 tomorrow.  But that’s okay.  As required by California State Law, we have a pool.

Technically, the law also requires that we are supposed to have gorgeous young females parading around in skimpy bikinis, because that is what the Board of Tourism wishes to promote; but my wife refuses to let me bring any home.  So she will have to do, even though she prefers a one-piece.

They have similar laws in Miami apparently, at least from what we can tell watching Burn Notice.  If you’ve ever seen that show, you will have noticed that their transition scenes always involve extremely attractive young ladies in swimsuits parading around by bodies of water.

My wife and I have a theory, based on our experience in the workaday world, that the 2nd Unit director is assigned to film these scenes is probably overweight, pale, and most likely not really into women.  This is because one of the basic requirements for any job assignment is that it should be miserable; and thus the person who is hired to go to sweltering sun-baked Miami resorts to film beautiful women parading around in thongs will naturally be the type of person who will find the whole experience to be a total grind.

Someone who sweats a lot, sunburns easily, and isn’t really interested in female hardbodies would be ideal for this purpose.  We like to imagine this individual going home to their partner at the end of a long day and collapsing on the couch, calling out for aloe vera, a cool drink, and a boost in the air conditioning.  “What a day! Bouncing bronzed boobs and butts for twelve broiling hours!  FML!”

As a result, every time one of these transition scenes come on, we burst into laughter.  Our poor imaginary 2nd Unit director is practically part of the family by now.  As such it’s kind of a shame they’re bringing the series to a close this season. Still, maybe we’ll get lucky and they will write a book.  “Seven Years In Hell: My Life Directing Second Unit for Burn Notice.”

I would totally buy it.


— Bob out