Introducing the newest zombie-fighting nerd weapon – a T-square!
Actually, for a time I used to do book layout (back in the days before computers and InDesign.) We put together textbook pages the manly way, using waxers and X-acto knives and big sheets of high-rez text and and these massive yard-long steel T-squares that, yeah, could easily be used as murder weapons. Especially after we got done with them. We favored steel T-squares because the razor knives we needed to cut blocks of text wouldn’t scallop the edges. But the problem was we also had to use them to draw straight lines using Rapidograph pens, and if the edge of the T-square lay flat on the paper, the capillary action would literally suck ink from the pen under the T-square and make a smear. So the obvious solution was to take a file, flip the blade over, and grind it to a bevel that still kept the edge straight but the T-square now had a beveled gap that was wide enough to keep the edge off the paper and the ink pens wouldn’t smear. It’s not like the edge was razor-sharp or anything, but it was beveled enough to do damage if, y’know, the Art Department had ever been invaded by zombies. Other than the ones already working there for three days straight on deadline.
And on the subject of zombies – we now see why Scales is part of the UD3. You gotta figure everyone in the Unusual and Dangerous Development Division is likely not an Average Joe, and Agent Scales just happens to be one of those individuals whose “Fight or Flight” reflex is permanently locked to the left. He’s fairly normal in daily life; he can still be annoyed or discomfited or even cheerful. He can even teach Remedial Geometry to a bunch of college students. But drop him into a threatening or spooky situation and he won’t be scared. He’ll just get pissed. I can think of about eighteen instances right off the top of my head why this would probably not be a good long-term survival instinct, but assuming there are people like this out there, there’s gotta be at least a few for whom the dice thus far have always rolled the right way. And in the UD3, it may in fact be an advantage. At least so far. But Scales isn’t happy about things like teleporting vigilantes or new recruits with Spirit Guides. His own boss is bad enough.
And for Patrons – the Hi-Rez version of this page is here. For those in the Digital Onslaught level and above, there is also a gChat recording of Max and Bob roughing out this page!
And more below!
Bobservations
A Day To Be Remembered
March 5th just happens to be my birthday, and I had a very nice one, thank you. But I have to say, of all the unremarkable days to be born, March 5th may just be the most flavorless, uninspiring, white-bread snooze of a day in the whole calendar. Every time I look up March 5th in one of those “This Day In History” listings, I feel like Terry Prachett’s Rincewind character who was reputedly: “born under the Small Boring Group of Faint Stars, a sign associated with chess board makers, sellers of onions, manufacturers of plastic images of small religious significance and people allergic to pewter.”
From what I can see, only two things of note ever happened on March 5th: the so-called “Boston Massacre” in 1770 which was actually just British troops firing on people for throwing snowballs at them; and while five people ended up dead, it was hardly a “massacre” by most standards. And in 1836 Sam Colt received a patent for his revolver. Note that he did not actually invent the revolver on March 5th, he did that some other day. This was just the day he got his approval in the mail or whatever. While I’m sure he was pleased, it’s not really cause for parades or anything.
But my doldrum is your opportunity! If you are on the verge of an amazing discovery or you are planning the widespread slaughter of infidels – here’s a tip. Put it off! Wait a year, until March 5th, 2017, and then publicly demonstrate your anti-gravity belt or vaporize a stadium of heretics. Please note (if you are inclined to the latter) that I am not encouraging any sort of violence; far from it. I’m simply saying that if you are of a mind to do it anyway, March 5th is the day you should mark on your grubby calendar next to the scrawled notes of your manifesto, probably using the orange crayon that prevents aliens from reading your plans because orange is outside their visible spectrum. Because if you do, the day will be yours. All you’d have to do is massacre more than five people and your place in history is assured!
You won’t even have to worry about finding a large enough group. Just look for the press conference of the guy announcing his anti-gravity belt or the cure for cancer.
As for me, I’ll be home. Having cake.
— Bob out
So he is a mathteacher and also reiligios fanatic, because he things everyone with magic powers is “unnatural”?
Not sure about the religious part. You can dislike the supernatural without being religious. He talk about them not being “natural” so my guess would be that he’s driven by logic and science, and magic doesn’t obey the rules. He would probably consider a priest doing actual miracles to be unnatural too.
I mean, a lot of religious stuff is commonly compared with supernatural occurance/magic.
And most any religion includes something celestial or otherworldly, which by many people’s standards isn’t part of the nature of our realm of existence.
I wonder how long ago the Brickford epidemic was, because I notice that Scales looks much younger. He has HAIR then. How long has UD3 been around?
Scales’ reaction to the supernatural may provoked by the fact that his boss and Letoa both seem to be of Native American ancestry(I haven’t had a chance to go back over the old pages, so I could be wrong). Could this be some form of unconscious racism or white guilt on his part?
Well, they’ve been around since at least the Gore administration, apparently…
I think Letoa is like half Maori, and the other half is viking… could be wrong, too lazy to look it up.
To be technical, things had gone way beyond snowballs by the time the British opened fire. There’s a reason why John Adams was able to get them off at the trial.
Still, Happy Belated Birthday!
More like cobblestones and feces. And clubs in hand. Those soldiers were in legitimate fear of their lives while under orders not to engage. Been in situations like that and I feel for them! Of course my ancestors fought for independence, but fair is fair.
They were ordered to fire a volley over the rioters’ heads, so engagement was happening. But one private was having his musket ripped out of his hands, another was going down after getting hit with a cobblestone, and some others were just plain mad.
The interesting bit is if the lef-tenant had done things by the book, he’d have read out the Riot Act and the British would’ve shot everybody. And there wouldn’t have been a trial to raise Adams to prominence.
I don’t think the wolf likes Scales either.
Coyote, actually. But no, he doesn’t.
Is that splat one of your exploding blood pumpkins? It looks so frikkin’ cool!
You know it, Joe! Nothing like stringy pumpkin guts to give added texture.
A math lecture to Die for.
‘Learn this or I’ll kill you, raise you as a zombie, and kill you Again!’
I don’t know about you, but the first time I saw a T-Square, I thought pickaxe. All of the wood shop tools even more than regular tools are just about purpose built for carving meat as well…gouges…need I say more. The other nasty bit of work is a large 3’x2′ carpenters square made out of 16 gauge steel. It would do quick duty as a scimitar if you didn’t have a scythe handy.
protect your hand first
Well, you can still respect someone without liking them.
Huh… this is actually showing that their agency isn’t as stupidly evil as I’d originally thought. In fact, these two are starting to remind me of Jack Carter and Jo Lupo from “Eureka.” Lupo quickly becomes seen as part of the family, as a good friend and loyal comrade and all… and it becomes easy to forget that the first episode has Lupo suggesting in all seriousness that they kill the U.S. Marshall who just showed up in their town and dispose of the body. They ended up putting Carter in charge for a reason, too. :p
Oooh, I’m /really/ not liking these guys 😛
FYI, there are some people who are usually unable to feel fear, such as those with some types of Urbach-Wiethe disease (which can cause calcifications on the medial temporal lobes). The interesting thing is, if you make these people feel like they’re suffocating by having them breathe air with too much carbon-dioxide, they actually do feel fear (more fear than normal people; source). Some people are able to function despite this problem (for example “S. M.“), while others end up homeless wandering through traffic because they aren’t afraid of getting hit by cars (yes, this is literally how they found one of the people for that study, IIRC).
It’s ok about the delay, quality over quantity and all that 😉
I really do appreciate everyone’s patience. Quality will not be compromised.
A delay is acceptable if it leads to even more Forward thinking entertainment. 😛
So I caught up with this in one sitting. I have to say I really enjoy the story and the tropes. 🙂 I’ve only had one thing bug me about the science. (I’m a chemist.) If metal can’t be teleported then what happens to the metal atoms in his body? Excluding non-transition metals such as sodium, potassium, and calcium. What happens to the iron atoms in his red blood cells? Or the small amounts of copper our body uses?
Most of the iron in hemoglobin is bound with other atoms (usually oxygen) and doesn’t generate enough of an induction field to be a problem for the Strike Gate. Same with copper. Iron is magnetic; rust isn’t. (much.) That’s our story anyway, and we’re sticking with it. 🙂
And before anyone asks, beneficial gut bacteria don’t have heartbeats (or enough of a soul) to be adversely affected either. I suppose there might be tiny little bacteria spirits inside the Phantom Coil along with Max’s own, but they’re inside his ghostly guts and we can’t see them. Which is probably just as well.
So atomic amounts of metals can be teleported as long as they are diamagnetic (vs. paramagnetic)? I’m not trying to break the comic. I’m sorry if it is construed that way.
It would make since that the metal contained within the life force can be sent. Or something like that. I wouldn’t say being conductive is what stop it because human bodies are conductive. But saying it is because of electromagnetism means plenty of metallic materials would be fine. With that idea it still makes some sense that the fillings would come out.
I wouldn’t say being conductive is what stop it because human bodies are conductive. But saying it is because of electromagnetism means plenty of metallic materials would be fine. I do not know. I would like to understand it more. At the moment, it just seems like a dangerous plot point to state metal doesn’t teleport.
Rough rule of thumb we’re going with is anything that you could probably locate under the carpet with a decent metal detector won’t ‘port. So blood ‘ports but not fillings, bullets, screws, springs, small bits of wire or most electronics. Certain types of paint, mmmmaybe. Souls also won’t ‘port, for reasons that are not yet entirely clear but are fun to think about. 🙂
My birthday is November 5th. Guy Fawkes Day. The bomb did not go off. You could have the n + 1/3 anniversary of the non-explosion (if lack of boom does not offend you). I suppose you would still have a quiet day. Hmm, we may have to rework this.