And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the real reason why we can’t have flying cars.

More below!


Happy Memorial Day Weekend!


If you are a U.S. resident, I mean.

If you are not, I’ll briefly explain that Memorial Day is similar to the Commonwealth’s Remembrance Day, except that we have ours in nicer weather because screw the poignancy, let’s party!

Actually, there are a lot of nice memorial services for those who gave their lives in the wars, and since there is a cemetery just a block up our street, I’m well aware of the number of flags and flowers that suddenly appear on various grave markers this day. We ourselves have a burial flag that draped the coffin of my great-great uncle Charles Herbert Forward, which we hang out on both Veteran’s Day and Memorial Day. I don’t believe Great-Great-Uncle Charles was actually killed in battle, as he lived to be 89, but it’s a really high-quality flag with only 48 stars on it, and hey, respect.

But it also means Monday off for just about everyone, and right at the beginning of summer, too. So the deep significance tends to get lost in the haze of barbecue grills and the general party atmosphere.

Also, for those of us whose Trash Day is Tuesday, there is a yearly confusion over whether or not to put the bins out. Technically they are supposed to be picked up tomorrow, but since the sanitation services also took Monday off, many times they are so swamped trying to collect Monday’s trash that they show up late in the day, or sometimes not until Wednesday. And if you put the bins out too early, scavenging animals and/or humans knock them over.

Rule of thumb is: if you put them out on Monday evening, they will not be picked up until Wednesday, and half of them will be knocked over by then. If you don’t put them out, either because you thought you’d wait until Tuesday morning or because you were too plowed from partying on Monday to remember, then the trucks will show up at 6 A.M. Tuesday morning, blasting down the street as fast as they can, collecting what few cans are out before you can react and try to get your own out to the curb. I’ve been caught that way before. You can call and complain, but they did their job — they were there and they had an easy time too, because you and half your neighbors bet on them being late. And you lost. Suck it up and enjoy the stench of two weeks worth of trash cooking in the summer sun.

Yeah, yeah, first world problems. I’m just saying. Monday holidays confuse me. At least we got the strip up, and it gave me a blog subject.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go hang out the ancestral flag, give a silent thanks to our fallen soldiers, and then go party, because that’s what Memorial Day is all about! In fact, chances are you yourself are not reading this until Tuesday. And you probably have a hangover. High five, bro! My great-great uncle would be proud.

Don’t forget to take out the trash.

— Bob out.