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My Whole Life Is On There


True story:

I had a buddy who was a writer for a television animation company. He had a computer at his desk where he did all his work, plus he had a portion of the hard drive segmented off for his personal stuff. And after working there a couple of years, it was time for him to take a vacation. This, in itself, was not a problem. He had vacation time coming, he had scheduled it with the company, and they were fine with it. So he left on his vacation, which if I recall it correctly, was a trip to Kenya to visit wildlife preserves.

The problem was, the company still had work to do. So they hired another writer to sit in his office and use his computer, which had all the character sheets and templates and scripts-in-progress on it. It only made sense.

Oh, and this new writer was a girl. A smart girl. A snoopy girl (though that probably goes without saying; right, fellow dudes?)

And my buddy, while a brilliant writer, was not so brilliant in his password choice, which was probably something like “password” or “swordfish” if I know him. Anyway, it took about ten seconds for this girl to hack into his account and get into all his personal stuff. All his bank statements. His daily journal. Script notes. Photos. Credit card statements including payments to worthy causes such as wildlife preserves in Kenya.

Well, this girl could have done many terrible things. She could have wrecked his credit rating. Cleaned out his bank account. Sent horrible emails purportedly from him. Signed him up for ghastly subscriptions. Gotten him fired so she could have his job permanently. But she didn’t. She did something far more drastic.

She fell in love.

She discovered she really liked this shy, goofy, well-meaning guy whose computer she was borrowing. She could see he was a good writer, just like her. And he had a good heart. Within two days she decided that, despite the fact that they had never met and he knew nothing about it, she was going to marry him. And she set out to do just that; by memorizing everything about him she could find on the machine.

Sure enough, when my friend returned, he found this cute girl in his office, still clearing out her stuff. She introduced herself and they chatted a bit, and to his surprise she was everything he’d ever dreamed of in a woman. She liked the same things he did, had read his favorite books, seen his favorite movies, and was even interested in Kenyan wildlife preserves. She was perfect.

They had their first date that night.

They were married two months later.

And now, many years later, they’re still married, and have two kids, and are very happy. And if the girl in question hadn’t gotten a bit tipsy while out with my wife and spilled this story, I wouldn’t even know about it. As far as I know, my friend still has no idea, and I’m certainly not going to tell him.

But I have always thought it would make a great movie.


— Bob out